its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
