I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
