so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
