you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
