Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
