at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
