I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
