When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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