If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
