I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
