did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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