every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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