Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
