The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
