i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
