I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
