A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize