Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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