I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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