my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
