she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My life is pants optional.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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