you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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