Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
