god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
