he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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