They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
