I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
