There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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