Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize