i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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