being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
