you traded sex for a burrito?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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