Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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