So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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