i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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