I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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