went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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