you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
