He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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