i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Houston, we have a squirter
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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