he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
