I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You made out with two different species that night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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