Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
