K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
