you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
