I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
