fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
