with your own penis?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
