Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
