Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
