This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
