I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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