I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize