Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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