He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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