I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
