I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
