ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm bleeding and have questions
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
