got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize