Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize