I hate all girls vehemently.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
