I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
