Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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