is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
