The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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