reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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