the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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