yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
